Begin by accepting this movie for what
it is. It is not "Sophie's Choice." It's not even "Jaws" (despite a cameo
homage by Richard Dreyfuss -- and the fact that he gets top billing for such
a small cameo speaks volumes). With an Oscar winner (Dreyfuss) and nominee
(Elizabeth Shue), one might have been tempted to expect more, but you only
have to glance at the trailers (or even the poster) to immediately lower
your expectations. It's a cheesy T&A horror film with so much female T&A
that it could easily be mistaken for something filmed for Cinemax.
Nevertheless, as cheesy thriller films
go, it's passably enjoyable in that vein. Yes, the male T&A is virtually
nonexistent while the female T&A is so nonstop that a purveyor of lesbian
porn for a straight male audience could hardly have added more. The suspense
is hardly suspenseful, but the jump scenes, while entirely predictable, were
Halfway through this movie, I began to
lament that not enough people had died. I needn't have worried; within
moments, the mayhem had become so exaggerated that I couldn't stop giggling.
The cast for the most part do a good
job with shaky material. Shue plays the small-town sheriff trying to protect
spring breakers from a then-unidentified menace in the water. Steven R.
McQueen ("The Vampire Diaries") plays her son who, in perhaps my biggest
complaint of the film, remains extremely overdressed in board shorts as
other female co-stars expose their breasts, vaginas, and what they ate for
lunch (or ... what ate them for lunch). Jerry O'Donnell appropriately
overacts as a sort of "Girls Gone Wild"-esque soft core porn producer, while
Christopher Lloyd inappropriately overacts to the point of irritation.
Bear in mind that my grade mitigates
for what the film strives for. Had it aimed higher, the grade would have
My grade: C-