I am in general a fan of movies that
parody genre films, though none of Friedberg and Selzer's other films
("Scary Movie," "Date Movie," "Epic Movie," and so forth) quite live up to
the classic "Not Another Teen Movie," which was not one of theirs.
But "Vampires Suck" was absolutely
dreadful. I've finally found a 2010 film worst than "Legion."
I'll admit that I saw it by accident. I
had several hours to kill waiting for a prescription to be filled, so I
walked to the closest movie theater. This was the only movie that I didn't
have to wait two hours for. But even so, I genuinely tried to like it. Alas,
there was simply nothing funny about it.
It's hard to even characterize it as a
parody of the vampire genre. It is, instead, simply a parody of the first
two Twilight films, almost a frame-by-frame retelling of them, with only the
barest of references to "The Vampire Diaries," "True Blood," and "Buffy the
Vampire Slayer." The films they are parodying were dreadful to begin with,
but I finally found a film is even worse than the Twilight films themselves.
Twilight fans will hate that it's
making fun of their franchise; Twilight foes will hate that it's too
similar. No one will like this film. No one.
This is probably the harshest review
I've ever written about anything. I'm not sorry. The tagline "some sagas
just won't die" is sadly apt.
My grade: F